A junior asked me yesterday when we happened to board the same train home after band practice...
"How come you're not close to Gabriel and the rest? I thought you're one of the clique. Why never hang out with them for supper?"

What a good question..
Sometimes I've been asking myself this question as well..

Then I told her...
All the while it's been like this since the start of year 1
I don't have a fixed clique

The people I'm used to close with are no longer here..
Not a single one left..

A dear friend of mine asked me a question as well...
"Why still bother to go for band prac since they had left?"
Hard for me to answer that as well seriously..


Now I've realised..
No matter how close or not close you are with this particular friend, whether you have a clique or two or more or none at all, when problems surface up, things will get really really ugly

My case for example..
When I'm stuck between two good friends A and B
I try to make things less ugly and at the same time, trying not to be a hypocrite

The main reason behind all the things I've done is because I don't want the both of them to make things worse by assuming each other's ugly intentions when both of them are already not in good terms

When A told me what B had done..I question B to clarify..and when B explains his/her intention and the truth behind all these..I correct A's thinking by telling him/her that B didn't do that at all and vice versa..

And what I get in return?
B thank me but his/her words seems sarcastic or was I thinking too much?
A is trying to make use of me when he/she is lonely and a dustbin to trash things in..
At the end of the day, it turns even uglier


Enough of friends stuff...
I'm thinking of closing myself up..


Here comes the family side..
Yes, daddy's return is a good thing..
Yes family reunion at last..
But things get uglier each day and needless to say, I'm stuck between my mum and dad as well

They're blaming each other on that spoilt brat's upbringing when she had done something wrong
"Your mum push all the blame on me when something happen to Felicia"
"Your dad blame me for not using the right way to communicate with you all"

What can I say?

"I'm a criminal in China and also a criminal at home..what's the difference? How can I gain trust from you all? You mum always tell those old folks when she suspect something"
"I didn't even say anything to your grandparents regarding your dad's affair with another woman..old people just love to assume stuff..he thought I told them"

What can I say?

"Did mummy say anything about me when you both go out together just now?"
"Did your daddy grumble anything to you about me?"

What can I say?!


Sometimes I just hate to be sensible..
I hate to grow up...
And above all that..why do I exist?

Did I adopt the wrong way to help?


And the funny part is..I can't even help myself..
Yes..there's many more things to rant about if I want to continue typing...

@ 8:18 PM