Think I got out the wrong side of my bed today.
Not motivated to go to school.
Don't feel like studying.
Not in the mood to study.
How am I going to smoke through till class ends man?!
Overslept today.
Woke up at 7.30am with puffy eyes.
Must be all the crying last night.

It's was raining heavily last night when I was about to get out of the TRCC and head home.
My mum called and said she will be fetching me home.
Ok..at first I thought that was really nice and thoughtful of her.
Was delighted though
And then..
my nightmare came.
All thanks to Gabriel
The republican brass is performing on Sunday at the Amiralty Park
So he wanted us to stay after school for practice today and on Friday
At first I thought it's too much for me and I can predict that my mum is not going to be happy about this.
He wanted me to tell him ASAP whether I can go for practice or not.
Ok..so I did..the moment I got into the car..
And guess what..
I was right..
She started nagging and nagging and nagging...
non stop!
The most exagerating part is..
She even rack up the past...
Back when I was in regent band!

"You don't try to bluff me with your points system in RP again la. I won't believe you anymore. Last time in regent you also said that and what you get? You spend so much time there and you only get 2 points for your O lvls and still can't get into the course you want. I'm not going fall for that again. I think you join band is not for that reason.So don't come and bluff me. Why can't you just be more understanding. Did you ever think for me. Always band band band.Everytime I hear the word band from your mouth I very dulan you know. Looks like you still don't understand the situation we are in now. I've told you already. I'm going to make you quit band once I get a job"

After hearing that..I can't tolerate anymore.
We have been arguing about this over and over again.
Got nagged at the same thing over and over again till the extend that I can't tolerate anymore.
Last night was the first time I shouted at her.
Seriously...for the first time.
I don't know why..
I just...burst out.
I said:

"What's the point of bluffing if I want to join band? I can just tell you I want to join ma! The points systems really exist ok! And please la! 2 points is the maximum we can get back in secondary school la! But now I'm in RP. Don't come and nag about regent anymore! And who says I don't give a damn?! I do care ok! I want Daddy to come faster also. I'm worried for him. I miss him too..! I do care ok?! It's just that I don't want to break down in front of you and show you the strong side of me only. You want me to cry in front of you every now and then and create more problems meh?! I'm being pressurised here too ok?!"

After that, both of us are crying in the car.
The silence is really deafening
After we got out of the car, my mum didn't talk to me.
And I thought she's angry and she doesn't want to talk to me again.
I felt guilty at that time.
I regretted.
I shouldn't have shouted at her.
I should have kept quiet like what I usually do when she nag at me.

And then..I don't have the feeling of guilt anymore.
You know why?
She was talking to me again when we got home
I just can't stand the fact that she can suddenly nag at me so badly and then talk to me as if nothing had happen before that!
This is ridicules man

@ 5:10 AM