I've been wearing a "mask" these few days la...hiding all negative feelings behind this "mask"...i've been emo-ing don't know since when...not feeling very good...

heard that she is just a "to-be" girlfriend of "his"..i was like..what is this...?? you mean they haven't even started..??what am i to "him"..?? spare tyre..?? a toy..??i dont know who to trust now..dont know to trust that someone who told me..or "him"...it's really hard to wait..shall i wait further or to give up...i really dont know...please let this be false...i realised that i'm very naive..i think i'm really stupid to wait for "him"..thinking of giving up..even if i continue to wait.."he" may have forgotten the so-called promise he made...if this is true.i rather hear those words coming out from somebody else's mouth than hearing it coming out of "his"...because i will go bonkers..break down...feel hurt..like what jia hui says in her nick in msn.." the truth hurts"...i really dont want "him" to slash a new cut on the scars in my heart...i'm having a phobia of getting hurt...please don't...i had enough..

another thing...mum..please...i'm no longer a small girl...i feel like i'm a bird in the cage..not allowed to fly...it makes me hard to breathe...you should know that i wont take drigs outside..smoke...or get influenced by my peers..why can't u just trust me..and let me have the freedom..i do have limits...i find it irritating when u kept calling me to check where i am when i'm still not home...please...i not going out to play or fooling around...i dont request much..i just want freedom...will you give it to me..??

ever sang a song back in my primary school..the lyrics in the song is " monday blues..tuesday is terrific..wonderful wednesday..what's the trouble with thursday and funky friday".well...i dont think wednesday is wonderful for me..firstly..cyril already piss me off first thing in the morning...he kept quiet for the entire first meeting..when we are told to send one representative to write down the things that we know on the board..he just stand up and volunteer himself to write it wihout discussing with the rest of us what he's going to do or what he's going to write...it's lie..he's living in his own world like that..second meeting onwards he was slightly better..we knowwhat we should do..each of us found the things we need to put in our powerpoint slides...he combined all our stuff for our presentation..i was suppose to say my part during the presentation..which is to explain how the three games are suppose to be played in the casino..thn alvin asked.." you mean there only three games in the casino..?"cyril replied.." erm..i didn't say that..there alot more..but our phylis here doesn't gamble..she doesn't know how all the games in the casino is played..so to make her life easier..she just have to explain three of the commonly played games will do.."then that bloody bitch suddenly say.." what you are trying to say is...these powerpoint slides are done by you only and u jus t let the rest of your group members to explain.." (what she meant was one man show) i was like...what the fuck..!! i heard kay shooting her back..she say.." this is not relevant lor.." i was damn angry with her la can..? bloody bitch...always bullshitting...that's what she's good at...

ok...enough of my emo-ing already...

yesterday went for band practice...somebody accidentally switch off the lights while we were warming up...our dear jasmine can't see a thing after the lights are being switched back on...haha..poor her...she have to live in the dark for abt 10 minutes..after band..we went up to the store to keep our instruments..someone switch off the lights on purpose..and she's "blind" again...haha...she doesn't know where to go but to face the wall helplessly la...sj and the rest of us were disturbing her..causing her to scream every now and then...then i say.." jasmine..!! the way you are standing now reminds me of myself bathing in the sports complex that time in camp...i was bathing like spiderman that day..cause the current of the flow of water coming down the shower is damn slow!!"

@ 12:16 PM